Dad and I went for a drive today because we needed to get dog food. That’s the stuff Raven and I eat. It isn’t really dogs.
It isn’t, is it? Dad?
Anyway, the store we went to had some special boxes where you (that’s dad) could give your dog (that’s me) a bath. I had no idea what a “bath” was, so dad picked me up and set me in one of the boxes to have a sniff. While I was in there, some of my treats magically appeared on the floor, which I thought was pretty cool. I spent awhile finding all of them while dad talked to some other lady, them he took me out of the box.
Then dad and I walked up to the front of the store and I thought we were done, but nope, suddenly I was back in the box. Dad gave me more treats, and lots of skritches, and suddenly something started dribbling out of the hose hanging on the wall.
“Hey, dad! This thing needs to go outside! Like NOW! Ew! Hello!?”
But dad just grabbed the dribbling thing, which seemed pretty rude to me, and then held it OVER me! Gross! It was warm, naturally, and sort of felt nice in a disgusting way, and then suddenly I smelled apples and got all sudsy.
Where were the apples? This was turning into a really weird day.
Dad gave me a good massage while I tried to find the invisible apples, and then rinsed me off, wrapped me in towels, and carried me into a different room where I sat in a little booth. There was a huge, ominous-looking hose in this place too.
This hose on this wall was totally dry. Then dad moved the hose away from me, flipped a switch and HOLY BULLY STICKS! It let out a blast of air so powerful it knocked dad across the room, blew a hole in the wall clean to the parking lot, and parted the clouds in the sky!
Ok maybe that’s an small exaggeration, but it was REALLY strong. Too strong. Thankfully dad turned it back off and asked for more towels and dried me that way. Phew. I think that would have blown my fur clean off.
Once I was dry we finally got our bag of dog food and then dad realized he couldn’t carry the food and me and get into the truck (he carries me so I don’t walk in all the icky salt and junk on the sidewalk). So I got to wait with the store lady while he took my food out. He was gone at least a month so she petted me until he remembered me and came back.
As we were driving away he said I did really well and that normally we’d do that in the bathtub at home, but this just seemed like fun to try today.
We need to work on his idea of what is fun to try.
Then we drove to an ice cream place and I got my own scoop of vanilla to lick as a reward! Woo hoo! That was awesome and I forgave dad for giving me a bath and almost blowing my fur inside out.
We sat in the parking lot and had our snacks and then went home.
It didn’t take me long to find my sunbeam, and then I was asleep in 5 minutes. That was a lot of excitement! 
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